We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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