Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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