i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
do herpes really smell.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
