I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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