i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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