Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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