I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
