FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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