I heard we made out
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
