"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
