well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
