i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
