i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
