We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
