Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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