She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
