there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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