My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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