I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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