oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
