I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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