how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
