PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
