Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
