So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have already put on my inside pants.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
