I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
