So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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