i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're a waste of cheezeits
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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