So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
