Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
