I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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