So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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