i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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