This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
