Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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