you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
