FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
