I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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