Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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