Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
