Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
