I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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