Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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