I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A+ Viking dick
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
