God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
