3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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