Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
