I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
