We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
