fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
