it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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