You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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