you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
