In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize