I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
