Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
