It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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