i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
