There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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