I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I want her autograph on my taint
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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