My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
