Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
