Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
