I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.