You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
