i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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