Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool