One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.