I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
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its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.