She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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