you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
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No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?