You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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