At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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