I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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