I puked a lego.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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