is your mom at the bar?
Screwed.edu
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
