He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
