He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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