I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
