You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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