i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ketchup is God's man juice
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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