Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
