His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize