We won't sleep together?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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